Gamer

I was reading Jane McGonigals blog, she is the famous gamer who writes games to empower young people to think of ways to change the global makeup of today’s problems. I’m oversimplifying her intent in the interest of space, but you can read about her here. I myself am not very interested in games, a friend of mine has an opportunity to get involved in gaming, and I’m doing some research for her. I read with great interest how in 2009 McGonigals suffered a serious concussion that left her unable to carry on with her work or her life. Feeling of hopelessness, anxiety and depression exacerbated her symptom, and left her feeling even more anxious and depressed. It turn into a vicious cycle that made it harder for her brain to heal itself. She needed a way to say “I am having the hardest time of my life, and I really need you to help me.” So she invented a healthcare game and enlisted her family and friends to play, thereby helping her to recover faster.

When I had my stroke in 2005 I was just dazed for the next two years, I didn’t know where to turn or who to turn to. I needed a longer term plan, one that relied on therapist and my friend to assist me, but deciding how to possibly get better was left in my hands. I had already decided that getting back to as normal a life as possible was my best option. When I could research stroke on the web there was painfully little information, and the hospitals were just deciding to make strokes a major issue. Even my doctor had little help to give me beyond therapy and medication. Each new achievement of mine was greeted with great amazement that I could reach that level of return, and I was soon discharged as having reach a plateau where I was capability of fending for myself.

When I began my recovery I didn’t know what to do, a friend had given me some money to tide me over so I invested in the best computer I could afford. I was interested in continuing with my photography, maybe a return to the field somehow. Or maybe I could start a business on the net, but for the present I could relearn my typing skills, I could do research on my condition and my interest. I figured that in the same way I exercised my body, I had to exercise my mind, build on its strengths and overcome its weakness. So I started out just a few hours a day, typing a few short emails, and play with some of my programs, I even attended a class in Photoshop Essentials to give me some exposure to learning again. Having been a voracious reader, I started with popular books and worked my way up to the classics, like “For Whom the Bell Tolls”. I was even convinced to start this blog, training myself to think and to organize my thought into readable prose. Now some might disagree with me on the readable point, my numbers reflect that, but that doesn’t matter to me. I write for myself and a few good virtual friends, I write for anybody who find me and finds my points of view valid.
I’ve come a long way in the last five years, I have longer still to go, a whole lifetime left to make things normal for me. I’ve managed to get my life in some semblance of order and continue the struggle. But I find I have more peace with myself, more happiness than I ever found before. Yeah there are things I’d change, who wouldn’t. I’ve come a long way, I attend a group session for fellow stroke sufferers and share the lessons I’ve learned. I have a new appreciation for friends now, I’ve learned to value them much more. I’ve gotten past my absolute fear of my future, I’m willing to live one day to its fullest, not count on another till its here. In the end that’s all we can, or should make of our lives. One day at a time.

Walk

Had my walking dream again, the one where I take huge strides like I’m walking on air. Impossible in my previous reality and even harder now. I still drag my foot a little, not so you can see it but it shows up in the tip of my right shoe. Of course I’m very lucky to be able to walk at all, thinking about that the other day as my friend Cathy and I went for a stroll. When I first was able to walk around the hospital, I had to learn to look around me and not just at my feet. It was so tough to learn how to walk again after my stroke. I learned to tune everything out and just concentrate on getting my feet to move in a certain way, direction I think its called. Then there the whole hip roll thing, coordinating the legs to move and the muscles to feel the step and then to get the other foot into place, all while trying to keep your balance, and oh yeah, you’ve got to watch out for cars as well.

We were walking in a nature preserve so watching out for cars wasn’t necessary, watching out for birds and flowers was. The “trail” was a well defined concrete sidewalk that was handicapped accessible so everybody could enjoy going for a walk in nature. At one point I was looking up in the trees instead of watching my feet, marveling at how good it felt. I know for those of you who live in the north woods somewhere, you scoff at the idea of a concrete sidewalk as natural, and I agree. But I loved being out in the fresh air, watching birds, and the flowers just waiting to be found. It’s a lovely time of year, all the trees a wearing a new coat of bright green leaves and there are wildflower’s of all different color and hue, Indian Paintbrush, Bluebonnets, Evening Primrose, and Yucca too, all in reds and blue and white and yellow, just glorious colors. Acres and acre of colorful flowers good for bees and butterflies and all manner of other creatures, both winged and footed. My friend thought she spotted a fox out for a midday stroll too, but it was just a shade too quick in spotting us and returned to the bushes where it could hide.

It got warm very quickly, temperatures are in the eighties, but the sun is getting much closer this time of year. In another few months time the land and any flowers will be baked within an inch of it life. So too will we, but for now we are enjoying Mother Natures gift to us all for making it through the tough winter of our lives.